Drug: Psychotria viridis, Banisteriopsis caapi, Mimosa hostilis
Dose: 12.5g, 60g, 10g for brew, used 1/3 of resulting liquid
Prepared the brew using 1 carton of organic orange juice, as previous mixes using 6 oranges were around +2. This brew worked as a very strong +3.
I sweetened the tumbler full with a little honey to take the edge of the bitterness, but I’m used to the taste now, though this was considerably harsher than before – hence the honey.
Fasted during the day – took the dose at 6pm. In the first hour I just sat in the sun watching it go down noticing a happy contented glow which built up as time passed. First impressions were quite physical, I recall some dissapointment at the lack of cerebal effect. Then I stood up and realised quite how far I had already travelled and realised it was probably time to go inside.
I got cold, and managed to get myself prepared – the visuals were coming on strongly and they were so beautiful, bright and vibrant, multicoloured hues. Light was a problem, I drew the curtains and found darkness and warmth were much better. Things were going well, then I changed gear with an unexpected shift in strength – like x10.
I realised a lot of energy was going into generating body heat, so I went to bed and turned on the electric blanket, that was wonderful, to be warm, I could feel my body relaxing into the journey. I felt nausia and managed to get to the bathroom, where I tried to puke, but really just held onto the loo. Nothing was going to come. I found water very helpful and managed to hang on to my water bottle – and my hat and went with considerable difficulty back to bed – physical movement was very difficult to control, I kind of followed the walls totally amazed by the visuals. Movement also seemed to increase the strength, and the journey was now running away from me, or my sense of ‘I’ was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain. I curled up in bed trying to relax and remembering to breath into the journey. The strength was overwhelming, I found holding onto my hat to be immensely comforting – it’s one of those knitted wollen ones, soft to touch and yet substantial to feel. I was loosing control and fear was becoming quite aparent. Interestingly it was fear of fear, I was concerned about how long this would last, I was concerned about dying, though more about dying without having lived in the moment. I managed to relax, a few cries of “don’t be silly” pushed the sense of loss of control away, but the journey was coming in waves now, a moment of lucidity, followed by a peak, each peak seeming higher. There was considerable comfort in the troughs, as it allowed me to prepare for the next peak. Some halucinations of worms, or small snakes on the wall, but they didn’t really bother me as much as the immense power driving the journey, it was quite overwhelming. At one point I though, I’ve had enough of this, I’m getting bored now, I want it to stop, but then I remembered to go with it, and it was much easier as each wave rolled in. The only sense of reality that I could maintain was that this “I” what ever it was was breathing, that was all there was, the breath. Any other sense of objective reality was gone. I did wonder about letting go of this breathing I, but was worried that the other side of breathing was not of this world. I wanted to come back, I like normal, precicely because I have experienced out of normal.
I noticed a gradual decline, though I didn’t belive it at first, and laughed, I didn’t trust any thoughts like that as I might have got up, lying down in bed was definately the only place I could manage to be.
Eventually the energy reduced down to managable proportions and I realised the journey was coming to an end. I managed to sit, managed to walk and eventually I put a gentle light on, made some herbal tea and ate a few dates which were very grounding.
It’s now 48 hours later, and I’m still not really back in the sense of how things used to be. There is a feeling that I can only describe as anxiety, only it’s not, it feels more like I’ve connected with a kundalini awareness, ‘coiled up’ or potential energy is a better fit. I managed to play a gig 24hrs after the experience, with friendly gentle folk, and my fears of not remembering how to play each dance were unfounded, in fact I actually thoroughly enjoyed playing and was totally connected.
That’s a good description about the whole journey, connectedness. I wonder if the dose was a bit on the high side, I am looking forward to going back, but would definately use somewhat less. I realise there is an art to learning to ride these waves, you don’t learn to surf without falling off. And there is another objective reality that occured to me after, that was there was someone experiencing the journey, the same person as the breather, the I.
Aya is something to be respected, and this first journey has taught me that. It is completely different to acid, MUCH stronger than any trip I’ve ever taken, and far more spiritual.